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Best Man doesn’t like Bride- advice

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sea_sarah View Drop Down
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    Posted: 10/08/2005 at 6:38pm
I thought I'd turn to BI because I'm too close to the sitation and extremely protective over my best friend. She's called my in tears over something she overheard last night at a "get together"
Basically, she heard the girlfriend of the FI's Best Man talking with another friend about how hard it is to support a wedding when you're not in love with the couple to wed. The BM and the FI have been friends since high school. She wasn't sure that they were even talking about her because several weddings are happening next year in this same group.
THen they said her FI's name and that the BM would support him and do "what he needed to."
I told her to talk with her FI about it and she said she did. He will say something to the BM.        &nbs p;  I told her  that I didn't know if that would be worse than if she talked to the BM herself. She doesn't even know what she did to offend the BM.

Any advice?
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sea_sarah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sea_sarah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10/10/2005 at 7:45am
No one wants to touch this one???

Please, someone....
Maybe the initial positng was confusing??
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shmoopsie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shmoopsie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10/10/2005 at 10:11am

I'm a bit confused - her FI had no idea that his best man didn't like her? Or did he know but just didn't tell her to protect her? Does she have any idea why the BM doesn't like the relationship?

I would let the FI handle it. If she offended the BM in some way, then maybe she could talk to him afterwards and try to make it right, but if he plain doesn't like her...well, there's not much she can do about it, IMO. 

 

 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sea_sarah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10/10/2005 at 11:03am
shmoopsie,

Thanks for your help. She has no idea why he doesn't like her or the relationship. I've met him and he seems like a pretty cool, go with the flow BM. So I have no idea either.
As far as the FI talking to him, she said that he will, but he has reservations:
1. he doesn't like confrontation type stuff
2. he's afraid that it will lead to more problems like the BM acting awkward for now or the BM getting mad at his girlfriend.

I'm the type of person that believes that problems are solved better when talked out not just ignored. I just don't want to push her this direction and cause a bigger problem.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sunnysd Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10/10/2005 at 11:21am

wow! this is a tough one. i'm so sorry for the bride! that's got to be so tough.

i think having the FI talked to the BM is the best thing to do... at least to find out why - if there's any reason - he would disagree with their marriage.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sea_sarah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10/10/2005 at 12:04pm
I've been keeping the bride informed of your postings. She wonders now if she should have said anything to the FI at all. She was just sick overthe fact that on their wedding day the BM would stand op and toast  them and being dishonest on such a sacred day.
I don't blame her for telling the FI. It's such a crappy situation.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shmoopsie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10/10/2005 at 12:09pm

Originally posted by sea_sarah sea_sarah wrote:


I'm the type of person that believes that problems are solved better when talked out not just ignored. I just don't want to push her this direction and cause a bigger problem.

I'm with you on that - I usually want to get things resolved as well. However, this may be a case where it just can't be fixed? Have you ever not been the biggest fan of a couple, but as time wears on you realize that they really are right for eachother? Maybe that's just the way to go here. If anything, I would give the BM kudos for being supportive and keeping his mouth shut about it - there are pleny of people who would make a big deal and refuse to walk in the wedding, etc.

Does her FI mind if she talks to the BM - is that something she's comfortable doing?

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sea_sarah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10/10/2005 at 12:54pm
She debated it, but the FI thinks it's will be better if he talks to the BM. Do you think that the FI should still talk to him or should he just hope they work it out over time. My girlfriend has a pretty open attitude but I don't think that she can just let this simmer.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shmoopsie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10/10/2005 at 1:45pm

What a crappy situation...poor girl.

If the FI is willing to talk to him, I would say he should go for it. Hopefully there was a misunderstanding somewhere along the way and the situation isn't as bad as it seems. I guess what I was trying to say earlier was that if the guy says "I just don't like her", she will just have to write it off and move on. You can't make someone like you, ya know?

Wish her the best of luck!

 

 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sunnysd Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10/10/2005 at 2:13pm

Originally posted by shmoopsie shmoopsie wrote:

If the FI is willing to talk to him, I would say he should go for it. Hopefully there was a misunderstanding somewhere along the way and the situation isn't as bad as it seems.

that's exactly what i was thinking... i don't think this is one of those things you can blow off. because it is her FI's best friend you'll be seeing lots of him. you'll want to see if it's just a simple misunderstanding. if i were in her shoes, it'd be something i don't think i could just forget.

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