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dad’s g.f.

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kjo78 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 12/03/2005 at 8:06pm
O.K.  This is so gross.  My father started dating his deceased best friend's wife about 1-2 months after he died.  Morally, it's just wrong!!!  I do not accept it, but have not told him yet.  It tears me up inside and we never see each other because I think deep down he knows how I feel.  If he even brings her to my wedding, I'm going to flip my lid!!  I just can't believe he's dating her, there are so many fish in the sea!!!!!  It's just wrong.  Any advice?  Am I too out of line?  

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jonesygrl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12/03/2005 at 11:59pm
ok, this it totally just the first thought that came to my mind (not knowing how long his friend has been deceased for)....and i'm not sure i'm going to explain it right.
i think sometimes death of a loved one/close friend is so traumatic that they've turned to each other for comfort.  that they each remind the other of the friend/husband that's not around anymore and it's part of the way they are healing.  kinda 'rebounding' from the loss with each other.  they have this "thing" in common - a grief that they both relate to and understand that it's probably comforting to be in the other's presence.
i don't know if that's clear or makes even sense, but i doubt that this relationship is a long-term thing (just my gut).  it just seems with how fast they started dating -- neither one of them is probably even 'over' the friend/husband that just passed away -- that it's more of a comfort relationship.
oh, and i wanted to say, i don't think you're out of line for how you feel - it's got to be a strange situation for you.  but, it's probably also very strange for your father and a difficult time for him.  i can't even imagine how i would deal with one of my best friends dying.
what if you think of him bringing her as her representing your dad's friend (who may or may not have been invited anyways?).
i don't know if that helped....


Edited by jonesygrl
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elcynic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote elcynic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12/04/2005 at 2:20am
No, Jonsey, you are TOTALLY correct on this one. It's one of those "Unless you have walked in their shoes..." situations that I don't feel that I have the right to judge. And, from what I have seen (working with a lot of middle aged and above people) it happens A LOT. So, well, tread lightly, it may not be as bad as it seems.   
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Katie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12/04/2005 at 8:48am
That situation is VERY familiar to me, because that is the way my mom got together with her husband (her second marriage).   She was friends with a couple for years (they were at my mom & dad's wedding!).  The wife got cancer and died.  My mom was right there, ready to comfort the man and help him with whatever he needed help with.   The relationship eventually blossomed (took a bit longer though), and now they are married.  They've been married for almost 5 years now.   It was a bit strange at first, and even my mom wasn't quite sure what to think for awhile (she even asked for my advice!), but now it all seems perfectly normal.   In the end, I am glad to see my mom happy -- she had been alone for so many years, that it was nice to see her with someone.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mobb Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12/06/2005 at 3:37pm
I agree with everyone else. They are right...tread lightly
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Beach_Meg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12/06/2005 at 4:05pm
I can also come up with an example just like it and I think it's
probably a lot more common that you would think.

I know, this will probably not help you feel better about the whole
situation, but since you have a few more months until your wedding,
I'd not worry about it now and see how you feel about the whole
thing closer to the date. Maybe it will even be over by then or maybe
you will have accepted it by then, you never know.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kjo78 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12/06/2005 at 8:19pm
Thanks everyone for help...I just hope he doesn't invite her.  I didn't know this was as common as everyone says it is.  It's just gross! 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote momofbride Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 3/08/2006 at 3:47pm
Have you thought about sitting down and talking with your father about how you feel? I think it would be good to get the feeling out in the open instead of waiting until the wedding and then having to deal with it.
momofbride



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kjo78 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kjo78 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 3/09/2006 at 3:45pm
Yes I have and that is why he hasn't called me in 2 months.  He didn't like what I had to say.  To make matters worse, he's paying for my wedding.  Uh oh!  I just couldn't hold my feelings inside anymore.  It's just gross what he's doing and has no regards to others' feelings.  

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