SAN DIEGO WEDDINGS     INSPIRATION     DISCUSSION BOARD     CONCIERGE     VENDORS     EXPERT ADVICE     AWARDS



  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Feelings hurt over BM choice!
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login

Feelings hurt over BM choice!

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
FutureMrs.F View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 6/13/2005
Location: Rancho Buena Vista Adobe
Status: Offline
Points: 377
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FutureMrs.F Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Feelings hurt over BM choice!
    Posted: 1/09/2006 at 1:59pm

So I just got off the phone with my girlfriend  who I have known for 6 years, we kind of have drifted apart the past 3 years.  She moved to Vegas but we chat on the phone or Via-email. She seems to call me when she is upset or needs to talk.  I love her and apprecite her friendship. 

That being said I have a dilemma....... She just told me that her feelings are hurt that she is not in my line she went on to say that we have more history than me and my MOH.  Then she asked if it was possible to still be in the wedding! I am totally caught off guard so I stammer and tell her that I love her and that I am sorry her feelings are hurt and that I'll look into David's to see if they still have the  Bm dresses in stock. 

Now I should have been honest and told her that  for one I wasn't in her line when she got married  and my feelings were a little hurt but I didn't say anything because I respected her choice.  I also should have told her  that I made my decision and that is to late in the game to switch it up.  But I didn't so I have found myself in a bit of a predicament! What should I do?  I already have the BM's dresses and ordered all of the Bouquets.   Geez this is the last thing I need to be stressed about.  TIA for all of your advice ladies!!!

There is only one happiness in life,
to love and be loved.
- George Sand
Back to Top
Ray47 View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 3/06/2005
Location: Park Manor Suites
Status: Offline
Points: 209
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ray47 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 1/09/2006 at 3:07pm

If I were in your shoes I would write her an e-mail saying that you had no idea you would offend her by choosing other bridesmaids, and that the last thing you would want to do is upset her because you've been so close, you care for her a lot, etc. Then explain that you are touched that she wants to be included in the wedding. While the wedding party has already been established, you would be honored for her to (do a reading? hold a candle? any other important role that hasn't been decided yet?)

Maybe if she feels included in some way--invited to shower, bachelorette party, even rehearsal dinner, even though she's out of town, that may help her feel less hurt.

In the end, I wouldn't add her to the wedding party, and it kinda sucks that she put you in this position. I think the most you can do is let her know that you never intended to hurt her feelings and that her exclusion from the wedding party doesn't mean you don't value her friendship.

Good luck!

Back to Top
Sofeeuh View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: Offline
Points: 518
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sofeeuh Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 1/11/2006 at 4:52pm
I agree with what Ray47 said about explaining it to her. I had a BM kinda guilt me into it because she's was my roomie for two years. Even though I feel like we're definitely not as close as we used to be, I asked her because she kinda hinted and I felt bad. While I am now glad I asked, at the time, it really frustrated me to feel bad about what should've been my own decision. So if that is how you feel (having already prepared everything and all) go with it. It's your wedding after all. Have her do a reading (which I think is a big honor as well) or be in charge of the guestbook, handing out programs, etc.  Good luck!
Back to Top
jaimedel View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie
Avatar

Joined: 1/05/2006
Location: Coronado Community Center
Status: Offline
Points: 44
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jaimedel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 2/10/2006 at 7:34pm
I totally understand what you are going through. I am in a similar situation. I had 10 girls that I had to pick from and I ended up picking 7 of them. I haven't told anyone yet who I picked, but I know that feelings are going to be hurt.
I also agree with ray47, if there is some way to include her then do that. I would tell her that it was a very hard decision for you and tell her your reasons for your decision and if it is possible for you that you would still love for her to be a part of your special day. Honesty is the best answer for you right now.
I know this is so cliche, but if she is truly your friend she will accept your decision and continue to be your friend after the wedding.
Good Luck!
Back to Top
Ness View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie
Avatar

Joined: 12/26/2005
Location: Founders Chapel- USD
Status: Offline
Points: 83
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ness Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 2/11/2006 at 5:24pm
Remember IT IS YOUR DAY. With her being married she should remember that as well. You need to decide if 10 yrs down the road you can look at your photos and be glad with who's in them. We kept one of two, of my FI step bros out of our wedding cause we can't trust him and we don't want him to ruin our wedding. He's a f**k up to say the least. (and his wife hates me) I didn't want the attention on him. That may also be why she wants to be in the wedding, attention. But you know her better. My MOH ended up un-asking a BM cause she ended up wanting everything be about her and ruining the experience from my MOH. She felt bad cause she introduced her to her husband but people change and she wasn't that great of a friend any more. Some people are just like that, they can't be 100% happy for others.   
     November 11, 2006
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 12.01
Copyright ©2001-2018 Web Wiz Ltd.