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Baby Shower Frustration

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anev View Drop Down
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    Posted: 3/15/2006 at 5:46pm

I'm chimming in late (sorry) and I'm not going to address the "gift giving event" thing 'cause I think the comment is/was unnecessary and lame b/c regarless if she does or does not go to the shower she's getting you and/or baby girl Iris a gift.

What I do want to say is that I'm very sorry that your MIL is being this insensitive to a lot of people's feeling, namely yours and Mr. Iris' and of course your mom's. The ONLY bright spot is that it is your mom:)

Lots and lots of hugs for you 3 and I'll put your lil' sis in my thoughts.

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finally! View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote finally! Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 3/15/2006 at 4:35pm

Irisan,

I was not attempting to be rude by stating that a shower is a gift-giving event.  I was merely stating a fact.  A shower is, by definition, a gift giving event.  I understand that people also use that time to get together as a family and share stories and celebrate life but well, frankly, any party that people register for - birthday, baby shower, bridal shower, wedding, etc - is a gift giving event.  Everyone I know who has been married remembers that uncle so & so didn't bring a gift to their wedding he may not have been invited for the gift but a lack of a gift is always noted. 

I'm also not saying that I don't understand why you'd be upset - of course I understand.  Who hasn't been disappointed by a friend/relative/loved one (all of the above) at some point in their lives?  What I'm saying is, being upset is an entirely different thing than asking someone to unmake vacation plans.  I agree, she was wrong not to "remember" her plans but as you said, she's flaky and you're not too surprised that she did this. 

Here's the bottom line, are you ready to end your relationship with her over this?  Of course not.  Well, in that case, use this as a learning tool and never count on her again to go through with plans.  Go ahead and make all the plans you want but understand that she may flake.  Accept it, it's who she is.  If you want to remain close to her, understand that she will probably never change and plan accordingly.

Besides, like others have said - you'll have many many happy memories to look back on & this too shall pass.

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Theresa View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Theresa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 3/15/2006 at 2:46pm
Originally posted by StevesKimmy StevesKimmy wrote:

I have to disagree with you Finally!  The MIL's supposed to co-host the shower and this date has been discussed with her by Iris, her husband and Iris' mother for months. The fact that she never ONCE said... "Oh, hey, we're supposed to go to a timeshare that weekend, can we move it?" speaks volumes for me. If she had, and then the shower was planned for the same day, that would be a completely different story. To me it almost seems intentional or something and that's why I think it's hurtful. She had plenty of time to dissent or speak up and didn't, and that sucks.

Kimmy took the words out of my mouth. MIL should have said something a long time ago. If these plans are so important to her, she would have them in mind... I know when I am going on vacation and the time is getting close, it is always on my mind.

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"It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along." - Maroon 5
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elcynic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote elcynic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 3/15/2006 at 2:37pm
I didn't get that impression AT ALL.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kayjaysgirl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 3/15/2006 at 11:31am

I can only speak for myself, but in no way did I attempt to invalidate Iris' feelings, and I'm sure she recognizes that. I just don't think it's necessary (or right) to paint her MIL as though she's some witch who was intentionally insensitive and unthoughtful.  People make mistakes.

Originally posted by beach bride beach bride wrote:

...they obviously can't imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes and I am sure in a few months we will get similar rants from them about someone not coming to their (fill in the blank)...

 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LindsRose81 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 3/15/2006 at 11:23am

Oh I'm so sorry!  I remember when my MIL decided not to attend my bridal shower...I felt like she didn't even care that I was marrying her son or something!

I agree, if she knew about the date and even wanted to co-host, she should have checked her calendar.  And even if she missed the fact that they had a time share that weekend, that is the sacrafice you make for family...it's not your fault , or her grandbabys, that she screwed up and overbooked her plans.

Regardless, I'm sure your shower will be wonderful and filled with people who love you!  Hugs! 

~*Lindsey*~
~*June 3, 2005*~
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elcynic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote elcynic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 3/15/2006 at 10:53am
Yeah, what she said *pointing up*
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote beach bride Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 3/15/2006 at 10:36am
Iris, I stand by my original response, it just sucks. And I don't think you should let what these other girls say get to you. They obviously can't imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes and I am sure in a few months we will get similar rants from them about someone not coming to their (fill in the blank).

I understand that you have hurt feelings and I just want to say that those feelings ARE TOTALLY VALID. Despite what everyone says, you feel the way you feel and no one can tell you that's wrong. Let me know if you need any help or a big hug!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mobb Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 3/15/2006 at 9:57am
Of course, you are hurt. I would be too...I can't wait to be a gramma myself!
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irisan View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote irisan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 3/15/2006 at 9:35am

My mom said the same thing, that it's her loss and just shows her priorities. I guess I am just hurt though.

 

October 16, 2004
EDD-May 21, 2006

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